Growing Old(er)

When my Dad died, he died unexpectedly of a abdominal aerobic aneurism.  He was healthy one day, and three days later he was gone.  It was a shock to us, but looking back, grace-filled.  We never had to make any tough decisions with him.  Dad lived fully at home, and then he simply died. Now my family is dealing with an aging Mom who has health issues.  Mom suffers from diabetes and this impacts her legs, her circulation and then her ability to heal.  After getting a toe infection, and messing around with it for a month, she has finally had a surgery to hopefully increase the circulation in her leg.  But she is weak.  Two weeks ago she fell and broke her wrist in several places.  So she only has one arm and one leg with one shoe on a foot.  Her left arm is useless and her left leg struggles.  She cannot live on her own.  She cannot get up by herself.  She struggles with walking.  So tomorrow a Dr. is going to tell her that she has to go to a swing bed.  I think this is going to be quite the blow to her.  Even though the idea of a nursing home was mentioned weeks ago, I too bulked at that idea.  I dislike nursing homes and I really wanted Mom to stay in her own home as long as possible.  But her own home is no longer safe for her. So as Mom grows older and we as her kids need to make decisions for her, I too grow older. The roles are switched. Children now make huge decisions for a mom who always made decisions for her kids. As a dear 95 year old man said to me, "growing old stinks".  I agree Randall. I agree.

Lessons I have Learned

Since my College Composition students are writing on this topic, being a wonderful example, I will too. In grade school, I learned some big lessons.   I learned not to fall into a big muddy pool of water with a dress on in 4th grade.  In 7th grade, I learned that if one messes with a bathroom stall door, just tell someone about it.  My friend Viv and I instead put it back on the hinges.  Obviously, not good enough, for it fell on the foot of a younger student and broke her foot.  Some of the biggest lessons learned in grade school were about friendship and finding your gifts.  I don't think I was ever satisfied with what gifts I had in grade school.  I would do well with singing one year only to have that dashed in the next year.  In my family, I learned much about death.  I didn't always understand the full impact of those experiences, but the deaths of Ellen, Grandparents, Amanda, Craig, my Dad and Jessica changed us.  As a family those deaths brought us closer together initially, but as time goes on, I feel we slip further apart.  Personally, those lessons of death have made me more aware of others needs and have given me understanding.  As I look back in life, I have sometimes had to learn the hard way.  I have learned things through failure and experiences.  Some of these things have been small and funny, like running out of gas on the Unity "U" and receiving a 3 point sermon on why it is bad from my good samaritan friend, while other lessons have been painful and difficult.  Lessons in life change us, stretch us and help us to be formed into the person God intends us to be.  I'm still learning.

That was John

Late last night a dear friend passed away.  He would be embarrassed to think that someone would write about him, for John never thought highly of himself.  John was just simply a man who saw a job, did his job, and did it well with a smile. Oh, and he was probably sweating when he did it. That was John.

When I arrived at Unity as a new teacher, he was one of the first people to greet me.  It was a hot August day; John was sweating.  He was probably wearing shorts and a plaid shirt, checking to see that the school was clean and ready to go.  He loved this school.  He gave a big chunk of his life to it. He watched over this school and knew every corner and inch of it.  There probably isn’t a brick in this building that John did not leave his print on it.  But he was like that with people too. That was John.

One place John left his print was with the kids he met.  As a bus driver, he looked out for those kids that needed an extra hello or hug.  He loved kids.  It takes a rare adult to be able to work with high school kids, especially in cleaning, but John did that well.  Friends and family of mine can weave tales of the mischief they would get into with John as a janitor.  It was actually fun to clean with John Gesink. That was John.

John also left his print on the adults he worked with at Unity.  John was kind and helpful.  And if you’ve ever worked with a bunch of sometimes(ok often) whiney, demanding teachers, you have to know what a gift that was.  He was also more than willing to be involved in any sort of prank.  Anyone who worked at Unity will have a tale to tell about John and some mischief.  From being part of the plot to interrupt a class, to punching holes in milk cartons of unsuspecting teachers, to getting people to retell tales of horror, just so he could hear certain words come from a certain teacher’s mouth, John was more than ready to laugh and join in the fun.  And oh did we laugh. That was John.

Outside of school and in his retirement, John was still leaving his mark.  If I ever needed any help, be that branches hauled away, a dryer fixed, or plumbing issues, John would come on over and help and visit.  That was John.  

And then John got cancer.  He fought bravely with the disease, but always seemed to have a sense of peace about it.  He continued to leave his mark as he died with such grace. He made visiting him as he died, easy.  His assurance of God in his life was evident, not only in his death, but throughout his life.  For that is why John did what John did.  He loved the Lord.  He loved the Lord’s people.  That was John.

John will be missed, but not forgotten.  For as he left his prints on every inch of this school, he left those same marks on all those who knew John.  We are far richer people because we had the privilege of being taught by John Gesink.  Instead of being sad today, I have caught myself giggling and retelling tales of John with other faculty.  John gave me that gift too.  Not to be sad in his death, but to rejoice with him because he has seen the Lord.  That was John.

Summer Time

The one question asked of a teacher every summer is probably as redundant as the question asked to most graduates.  When kids are seniors the question is "What are you doing next year?"  Someone should count how many times he hears that.  The question for teachers every summer is "What are you doing with all your time?"  Two days ago I answered that question, walked to another room and was asked that same question.  So what am I doing this summer?  Here is my running list.  Last week I took a little adventure with two fellow teachers.  This week I am taking a class.  Next week I am purging rooms in the house, ridding myself of things I have not used for years.  The follow week I will be teaching at Dordt Discovery Days.  That's June.  July hopes to have a short trip to Illinois to celebrate the 50th of my BFF.  I will have to do some writing for The Cast, rework curriculum for our new hybrid scheduling and research some new things to add in my classes.  Meanwhile back at the house, I have a list of honey do things that I will need to hit.  In August, I basically go back to school-thinking of the year, planning for my room and heading literally back to my room.  Summer flies by quickly.  Even if I don't have a thing planned, I always find plenty of activities to fill my days.  The question is the curse of being a teacher.  During the school year, my days are filled teaching and many of my nights are filled with extra-curricular things.  Funny thing though is that I have never asked a non-teacher what he is doing with his evenings! So rest assured, I will fill my time.  The summer will fly, and I will return to school in August somewhat anxious about another year, mourning the passing of summer, and hopefully more rested and ready to roll again.

Christmas

Christmas.  It's a powerful word. This time of the year can do some crazy things.  It's the thing that drives people to get up at 2:00 am to shop for that bargain gift. (not me-I like sleep:) It makes men shop at Victoria Secrets and causes women to get stuck in some male departments in the midst of things I won't print.  This time of year can also be painful.  The media sells the holiday as a time for family and friends to gather and exchange gifts and celebrate.  For people without family or friends to gather around, Christmas can be a tough time.  Additionally, Christmas often becomes nostalgic. We remember a Christmas past when that loved one was with us.  Now that person is no longer here and our life is different, a little emptier.  We find ourselves so wrapped up in the stuff of Christmas and the expectations that we forget the real meaning.  So this Christmas instead of focussing on the things or people that are not in my life, I am going to focus on joy.  God gave his son, wrapped as the gift of salvation, for me.  Because of that gift I have been given new life, forgiveness and a father who loves me unconditionally and never, ever leaves my side. God has blessed my family with health and 4 new members this past year. What a joy!  I have a job I can go to every day where I find joy in my classroom with my students and outside of the room with my fellow teachers.  What a blessing!  I have old friends and new friends that I love dearly. What a gift!  One of my favorite quotes reminds me of those daily wonderful gifts that God plops in my lap. "Listen to your life.  See it for the fathomless mystery that it is. In the boredom and pain of it no less than in the excitement and gladness: touch, taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it because in the last analysis all moments are key moments, and life itself is grace." May your Christmas be filled with wonderful grace-filled moments.

Okay for Now

My freshmen just finished reading Okay for Now by Gary D. Schmidt.  When I read the book last spring, I enjoyed the narrator, his voice and story.  After reading it a second time, I  loved how the author took the John James Audubon Birds of America pictures and connected it not only into the chapters but throughout the narrator’s life.  But while teaching the book in class and probably re-reading it two more times, I absolutely loved two main themes:  brokenness and healing and the use of community.  The two are tightly sewn together. 

Doug is a tough kid in the beginning of the novel.  Everything is “stupid”, his favorite word.  He lives in The Dump, his home, and many people that he either lives with or meets do not have names.  His middle brother goes unnamed until he does an act to become part of the family; Christopher carries his brother.  The So-Called-Gym-Teacher becomes Coach Reed after Doug discovers a truth about him.  When the characters become relational to Doug, they get a name. As Doug’s community show interest in this young man, Doug realizes he does not need to be obnoxious to hide the things he carries.  He has some big secrets, but through the work of caring characters, Doug is no longer a victim of an abuse. He is now a young man who has unlimited possibility.  At the end of the novel, even though life is not necessarily great, Doug can now say that he is “okay for now” because he is not alone.  Now this once-upon-a-time obnoxious 14 year old now cares for others, encourages others and helps others.  Doug’s brokenness is healed through the community.  

The book has taught me much. As a teacher, the novel taught me to look at those sometimes obnoxious teenagers, that enter my classroom shouting that everything is “stupid”, through a different lens. Perhaps they are hiding something too.  As a member of several communities, the book has shown me once again how God uses people in our lives.  Doug is a different person at the end of the novel due to the communities of people who invested their time in him.  Just how many people invested time in me throughout my life?  That number would be staggering.  But greater still, as a member of a town, a church, a school, a classroom, and a circle of friends, what do I do for the members of that community?  We are diving into a building project here at Unity.  While the idea of chapel/theater is pinch-me-exciting, this book reminded me that the job of building people is much more important.  “When you find something that’s whole, you do what you can to keep it that way....And you find something that isn’t, then maybe it’s not a bad idea to try to make it whole again.” May God bless you as you go into your communities to build people, healing brokenness through the use of community.

Encouragers

The Freshmen are reading the Okay For Now.  The main character, Doug, lives in a world where only his mother cares for him.  He doesn’t have many encouragers in his life.  So today the freshmen had to write about that topic.  Being the good teacher, I decided to write about that too.  I have had many people encourage me in my life and still have people who encourage me today.  I’m not the type of person who would have dived into things without that push or person saying hey, you might be good at that.  Singing is one of those things.  As a student in grade school my great encourager was Mrs. Sterk, our music teacher.  She has such a wonderful energy and creativity.   We did fun things and difficult songs ( I could still sing a few for you).  She picked me to sing in small groups and solo work.  This was a first in my life.  I did not excel as an athlete and did not find school easy, but this singing thing was something I could do. During my 8th grade year another teacher came in and shoved me in a corner.  The fun, energy and special feeling was gone. I drifted through 8th grade with hopes for high school.  My freshmen year I made the Junior Choir and actually had a solo in a concert.  My sophomore year I took voice lessons and had a lead role in the musical.  But that was the end.  The choir director took me aside one day to tell  me that I had a nice voice, but I would never make Chamber Singers because I wouldn’t look nice in the dress.  I was too heavy.  Thankful for a sense of humor, I walked away not devastated but at least knowing my voice was good enough.  I never made a small group he’d spend time with for solo/ensemble.  I was put in large groups where he met with us once or twice.  It was evident he didn’t care.   So when I entered college, I wasn’t trying out.  If I wasn’t good enough for high school groups, how did I have a chance in college?  But two things happened.  My sister was married and I sang at her wedding.  The minister told me I had a nice voice, and at Dordt a friend encouraged me to try.  So I did.  That push changed my world, blessed not only my college years, but also my life.  Some of my best spiritual moments have come from singing and music.  So today, when I sing at a church or a ball game, I can’t help be thankful for those people God placed in my life to nudge me to try again.  I am thankful for the encouragers in my life.  So, who have you encouraged today?